I had a doctor visit today. I should say “we” had a doctor visit because this stuff affects Carol as much as me, and we are hip-deep in it together.
The doctor recommended, and we accepted, that we discontinue the current treatment we are on. The reason is simple: we are doing more harm than good.
On the way home we counted up failed treatments over the last three years since I was diagnosed with cancer. I guess we settled on seven. The perfect number.
In the doc’s own words, he doesn’t have any more bright ideas right now, so we very well may stop at seven failed treatments.
How do we feel about this? Well, it’s a mixed bag.
On the one hand, we have another failure. Hopes up and let down. We are not quite accustomed to that, but we are familiar. Also, the side effects have been pretty brutal and have made me feel much sicker than I did before the treatment.
On the other hand, going off the treatment should reverse most of the side effects pretty quickly and I hope to feel better soon. I am still transfusion dependent, as I have been for three years, but the doc says I can go on like this for a long while.
I’m always tired because of the anemia. Add in sick and you get sick and tired. The idea of going back to just plain old tired doesn’t seem too bad.
I hope to feel good enough to think better and write better. I have a pestering thought of trying to lead an online Bible study. Not sure how that would work, but I might feel good enough to give some thought and effort.
I also hope to get out and take some photos. Looking at my catalog, I can see that I stopped taking new pictures about the same time I started taking these meds. I hope I can reverse that effect too.
I’m still trusting God, my Father, our Father. I’m not discouraged because I sit comfortably in his grip. Thank you all for your prayers. I’m not dead yet.