Failed Again

I had a doctor visit today. I should say “we” had a doctor visit because this stuff affects Carol as much as me, and we are hip-deep in it together.

The doctor recommended, and we accepted, that we discontinue the current treatment we are on. The reason is simple: we are doing more harm than good.

On the way home we counted up failed treatments over the last three years since I was diagnosed with cancer. I guess we settled on seven. The perfect number.

In the doc’s own words, he doesn’t have any more bright ideas right now, so we very well may stop at seven failed treatments.

How do we feel about this? Well, it’s a mixed bag.

On the one hand, we have another failure. Hopes up and let down. We are not quite accustomed to that, but we are familiar. Also, the side effects have been pretty brutal and have made me feel much sicker than I did before the treatment.

On the other hand, going off the treatment should reverse most of the side effects pretty quickly and I hope to feel better soon. I am still transfusion dependent, as I have been for three years, but the doc says I can go on like this for a long while.

I’m always tired because of the anemia. Add in sick and you get sick and tired. The idea of going back to just plain old tired doesn’t seem too bad.

I hope to feel good enough to think better and write better. I have a pestering thought of trying to lead an online Bible study. Not sure how that would work, but I might feel good enough to give some thought and effort.

I also hope to get out and take some photos. Looking at my catalog, I can see that I stopped taking new pictures about the same time I started taking these meds. I hope I can reverse that effect too.

I’m still trusting God, my Father, our Father. I’m not discouraged because I sit comfortably in his grip. Thank you all for your prayers. I’m not dead yet.

19 thoughts on “Failed Again

  1. We know some of what you guys are going thru. Deb sees a specialist on Nov 12th at IU. Our plate is full but God is bigger than our plate.

  2. Thanks for giving us a peak inside your mind as you cope with the challenges of being ill. It is inspiring to observe how you process it. Prayers for your healing!!!

  3. I don’t understand why this has happened to you but I too and trusting the Heavenly Father for His best will in your life. Love you both.

    1. I don’t worry about the why. Nothing good comes of that. I don’t look for a purpose, because there is none. I just trust, like you do. Thanks, Sis.

  4. I’m sorry it didn’t work. I’m hopeful that you will feel better sans medication and praying they find something that works. Or maybe just a plain old miracle. Love you guys!

    1. I love you, brother from the same mother. You’ve been through much worse stuff than I. You are a great example. I’m still praying for you.

  5. Mr. Randy, thanks for being so brave and courageous in sharing your testimony for us to see and continue to pray for you. Could we come see you? If so when is a good time?
    We love you and Mrs. Carol!

    1. Thanks, Dunia. You are very special to us. We will work on getting together soon. Thank you for your prayers and for your love.

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